The longer it takes for this surgery, the more behind Ellie gets in so many ways. She's almost 10 months old and developmentally her peers are starting to run laps around her. Most days I don't care. I know that you have to give a baby a chance to develop at their own pace. I tell other mothers this.
Today I read a discussion in a mothers group I'm part of about sippy cups. It seems everyone is starting the transition, some clever bubs are even using straws. And for the second time since Ellie was born (the first was a speech discussion) I felt left out there. It will probably be years before she can work out sucking on a straw. It's just not physically possible, even after her palate repair. And even something as simple as a sippy cup is a challenge. We've tried so many different types with no success, she just can't do it. She'll be a bottle feeder for a while longer yet.
I know that these discussions aren't made with the intention of making me feel crap about my baby, but I do,a nod that's my own issue, not theirs. They are all just proud mummas, sharing their journey. But the longer we wait for Ellie's repair, the longer we are left out of the journey I guess.
I started a discussion about my feelings on the cleft pals Facebook, which cheered me up a bit. I was reminded of all the amazing things that my miracle girl CAN do, and that I wouldn't Chang her for the world. And then our speech pathologist, Sarah, called for a chat, and I was able to brag about Ellie talking and get a verbal pat on the back for how well she is doing.
So in the end my day was salvaged the time. But I know there will be more upsetting discussions, more milestones Ellie can't hit yet, more feeling down. That's just part of the journey I guess. And when she does drink from a straw.... You'll probably hear my screams of joy from your lounge room.
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