Leaving Ellie behind had been harder than I imagined. When I woke up at 4am I was lost with what to do with myself. The last three days I'd been going straight to the NICU, but I couldn't leave without telling Drew where I was, so I was stuck.
I went downstairs and made a cup of coffee. That's probably the greatest thing about Ronald Mcdonald House - endless supply of coffee. I shuffled back up to the TV room and filled in some time watching TV and checking facebook.
By 7.30am I couldn't wait any longer and I woke Drew up. We headed over to the hospital before we were meant to be meeting with Bec, Ash and Soph for breakfast.
I was really hoping that the paediatrician would give us the all clear to transfer back to Burnie. Her heamorrage was under control, the only issue we were dealing with now was the cleft so I thought we should be fine to go. But it wasn't meant to be.
The paediatrician, who turned out to be the same smiling man with the bike from the elevator the night before, said he had spoken wirh the team in Burnie and they weren't prepared to take her until feeding had been established.
I was shattered. We'd already been told to prepare for feeding to take anywhere up to three weeks to get sorted, and the thought of another three weeks there terrified me. Drew was meant to be going back to work at the end of the next week, and how could we be away from Sophie for that long?
The morning wasn't a complete flop though. He did have the good news that she was now stable enough to be moved to the special care nursery. This was a huge step in the right dirrection.
We stayed around for a little while and I got my second cuddle. We tried for skin-to-skin but because my milk was coming in it was uncomfortable for both of us. Yet again I could have happily sat there holding her for hours.
She seemed so tiny in my arms. The nurses kept calling her a giant because they were used to premmies, but to me she was so small and light. She was so spindlely, not a fat roll to be seen. And with all of those cords and tubes coming off her I was scared I was going to hurt her.
At some point a surgeon from the plastics team came in to take a look at her hand, and we thought he would be doing a consult on her cleft too, as that is what the paediatrician had said was going to happen. But he was really very uninterested in us. He came over to Ellie, wrapped in her pink blanket in her pink stickered humidicrib and said "well, he looks fine. We'll consult during the week." And walked off without even looking at us, let alone introducing himself!
The time came for us to go and meet the others for breakfast, and we told the nurse that we'd be back after lunch. She said to check at reception when we came back in, in case she had already been moved to the nursery.
We had decided to take a break from the hospital and spend some real tine with Sophie before she had to go home that afternoon. So we had a late breakfast, did some shopping, and headed back to Ronald Mcdonald House to play before we could take everyone back to see Ellie.
At 2.30pm we returned to the hospital, and the receptionist had great news. Ellie had been upgraded to the nursery. We went through to the room that I accidently found that first morning, and there she was, tucked up in an open crib sleeping peacefully. She was still connected to her monitors, but we were now able to pick her up whenever we wanted.
I fell in love with that nursery the moment I walked in. There were about 20 babies in there, with nurses walking around holding them, playing with them, caring for them. It was exactly what I was wishing for the night before when Ellie was crying all alone.
At 3pm we started bringing people through one by one. Bec got to have her first hold, and I think she was just as happy as I was that first time. Sophie came in again and was pretty uninterested in her sister, she just wanted to play with mum and dad.
After that it was time for them to head home again. We arranged for them to come back with Soph on Wednesday, and then for Soph to come and stay at the house on the weekend. We figured that by doing it that way she would at least see us every few days.
We went back to the hospital after dinner, and Drew held Ellie while she was given another feed. He was so proud of his little girl, he is an amazing father. I know I wouldn't have made it through those first few days without him by my side. We are a team and always will be.
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