I woke up at 2.30am with a horrible churning in my stomach. The thought of having to get up and make it to the bathroom made everything hurt even more, but I couldn't put it off. Somehow I managed to get out of bed. It was still so hard to move first thing in the morning before I'd stocked up on pain killers, but this was pretty important.
As I stood up I started to sweat and my head went woozy. I really thought I might just pass out right there on the bedroom floor. Thankfully the bathroom was only across the hall, and I somehow managed to shuffle my stiff, sore and dizzy body out into the hall in the dark.
I made it to the toilet just in time to lose the contents of my stomach. It was disgusting. I hadn't been sick like that for years. I knew straight away what it was. One of the little girls in the house had been vomiting the night before, it had to be a tummy bug of some sort.
I also knew, but didn't want to believe, what it would mean. There was no way that I would be allowed in the nursery to see Ellie if I was sick, and a phone call to check confirmed it. I was banished for 48 hours. It was litterally my nightmare come true.
It was hard enough having a baby stuck in the hospital instead of safe at home where she should be. But now I wasn't even allowed to see her. It felt like tourture. It felt like those 48 hours would be a lifetime. I was beyond shattered. I cried for hours.
To add insult to injury, Sophie was also due to come down that day. I was looking forward to seeing her, but I also didn't want to make her sick. I offered to Bec that they don't come, but she said it would be fine.
With me banned from the hospital it was completely up to Drew to teach Ellie how to feed. He went over every three hours, and after just one session with Sarah from speach, Ellie was finishing her bottles and finally able to get the nasty IV out of her head. It was incredible progress, but I was sad and a little bit hurt that I wasn't involved. I was her mum afterall, it was my job to feed her and we'd always said that we would focus on teaching me first and worry about Drew later.
Sarah had given him plenty of tips for feeding though, and he made sure he passed everything on. He'd also aranged for her to come back as soon as I was allowed in again. It was really good to have someone like Sarah there. She was always happy to just sit and watch and help where she could. No way would we have sorted it all out so quickly without her help.
I spent the morning sitting outside the NICU doors, waiting for Drew to come out with updates. I was lonelier than ever. The waiting room there is just a row of chairs behind a curtain, nothing to look at and nothing to do but sit and think. Knowing that she was just behind those doors and yet I couldn't see her was killing me.
Just before lunch our plastic surgeon came in to consult with Drew. It was a shame I wasn't there, especially as I speak doctor a lot better than Drew, but it seems that Doctor Kimble is pretty amazing at explaining things in a way that is clear. Drew was able to remember everything, and passed on that her first surgery would be scheduled for three months, which would be her lip repair. After that she would have her palate repair at nine months, and a nose reconstruction at 18 months. After that it would depend on her growth.
We left together after lunch to meet up with Bec, Mum, Nan and Soph. Drew had gone halfway across the city to find a Peppa Pig cake for Sophie, and she was just blown away. I think it more than made up for the fact that mummy and daddy had been away for so long!
I spent the afternoon playing with Soph and trying not to vomit. I hadn't been sick since the first time, and my ban would last until 48 hours after the last time I vomited, so it was really important that I keep it in. it was hard going though. I was too scared to eat anything or drink more than water just in case.
At 3pm we went back to the hospital so everyone could see Ellie. I sat back down in my trusty waiting room chair, and tried not to resent everyone else getting to go and see her. It was jealousy, plain and simple.
Drew had been in for maybe half an hour when he came out with bad news. Ellie had had the runs for a little while, and was even more sleepy than normal. They were concerned that she had caught either what I had, or an infection of some sort. I remembered the huge power chuck from the night before and wondered if that was where it started.
As a precaution she needed to be moved to issolation and have a new round of swabs and blood tests done. No one could tell us what they were testing for, and I was terrified for the millionth time in just a week. We've all heard how many nasty infections babies pick up in nurseries. I didn't know what one would be worse.
Knowing that she was getting worse again and not being able to go to her was horrible. She was sick and she needed her mummy. How were we every going to bond when I couldn't even see her for so long?
Drew kept up his vigil beside her in the issolation room as much as he could, but with all the protective gear he had to wear just to go in the room it was too hot for him to stay much longer than her feed.
I don't think I'd ever been so happy to go to bed as I was that night. Obe day down, one to go, and it couldn't go fast enough. I was missing out on too much.
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