This weekend I found one of them. It was a news article about a book by author R.J. Palacio, called "Wonder." The article explained how Palacio was moved to write the story after an encounter with a craniofacially affected little girl that she felt she handled badly -
"Palacio tells NPR's Michele Norris that the book was inspired by a real-life encounter with her own kids six years ago. They were at an ice cream store and sat next to a little girl with a severe facial deformity. Palacio's 3-year-old son cried in fear, so the author grabbed her kids and fled. She was trying to protect the girl but also avoid her own discomfort."I was really angry at myself afterwards for the way I had responded," she admits. "What I should have done is simply turned to the little girl and started up a conversation and shown my kids that there was nothing to be afraid of. But instead what I ended up doing was leaving the scene so quickly that I missed that opportunity to turn the situation into a great teaching moment for my kids. And that got me thinking a lot about what it must be like to ... have to face a world every day that doesn't know how to face you back."
I love reading, especially books like this, but for some reason I've never done a search for books about cleft kids. I don't know why... Maybe until now I just haven't been ready subconsciously. But as soon as I read the article I knew I had to read this book. I downloaded it on my kindle straight away, and just the first few pages had me hooked. I was laughing and crying all at the same time, and I knew that this story was going to change lives.
There's a quote in the book that I love - "given the chance to be right or be kind, choose kind." The author now does tours around schools in the United States, where she goes in to the classroom after they've read the book as a class, and she teaches them about choosing kind. It's a great concept, and will do wonders for teaching kids to be more accepting of other people's differences.
The number one thing that worried me when we got Ellie's diagnosis a year ago was the reactions of other people, particularly her peers. I've been to high school, I know how nasty kids can be. I don't want Ellie to ever have to experience bullying because of something she has no control over. It's not her fault she has scars on her lip, it's not her fault her nose is flat, it's not her fault that her jaw is misshapen. It's not her fault, and it's not all there is to her. I don't want her to be defined by her appearance. Which is why we need to make more kids aware of conditions like cleft lip and palate.
The section that really resonated with me though was written in the eyes of Auggie's older sister. She talked about how she felt like she had no right to complain about anything in her life, because nothing would ever compare to what her brother was going through. She never asked her parents for help because she knew they were busy caring for Auggie. I've always been overly-conscious of Sophie feeling like this. I worry that she misses out a lot. So reading that hurt a little bit.
There were a lot of parts in "Wonder" where I felt angry for Auggie. There were times when I wanted to punch a ten-year-old in the face. But there were also times that I cried because of how nice some people can be. And they're the sort of people I want in Ellie's life.
The book costs $12 to download on Kindle. I recommend everyone reads it at some point, and share it with your kids. It will change lives.
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