The zantac had made a huge difference to the reflux for a while, but we were noticing the symptoms were returning a few weeks later. Suddenly Ellie was screaming after every feed and not sleeping.
I was at my wits end. I was tired and my head constantly hurt from all the screaming. Even Sophie was picking up on how stressed out I was and starting to misbehave pretty badly. I reached my lowest of low points one night and just completely broke down. I wanted to run away from these kids, because obviously I was doing a terrible job of being their mum if they were both so upset.
I have never been good at asking for help. I seem to have this idea that it makes me a lesser person or something. It's stupid and I need to let it go. Drew called to check in from work and I was in tears. He wanted to call Bec and get her to come and help but I said no. I didn't want anyone to know how bad things were.
Instead I turned to the beautiful Angela on facebook. The beauty of online friends is that you can really open up to them without having to worry about the looks of pity on their faces. I spilled the beans on everything I was feeling and she was able to talk me through my darkest hours. Thank you Ange, not just from me but from my girls too.
I figured that as Ellie grew her reflux medication would need to be adjusyed, but Doctor Hess hadn't bothered to tell me what to do when that happened. It was still three weeks until I could get back in to the paediatrics clinic, so I had to fly blind.
I started increasing her dose by 0.1ml at a time, until we were at double the original dose. I didn't want to go any higher than that though without being told it was OK. At 0.7mls she was better, not perfect but good enough to wait it out until we could see a doctor and figure it out.
So we survived another challange. And a note to the doctors: if you prescribe meds that change as a baby grows, make sure the parents now how to work out the dose!
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